like mosta you guys, i knew i was gay when i hit puberty, (though i knew i was a bit different even younger). unlike many of my new friends in here in the big city environs, it took me a few years to gather up the courage to leave my redneck hometown and risk the expected enstrangement from my family. i experimented on a few occasions but when i was just about to come out while still living in hicksville, i got the shit beaten outta me pretty thouroghly. i am ashamed to admit that it scared me enough to stay in the closet for a while longer. (and this was before poor Matthew Shepard was murdered. when that happened i felt as if someone had stepped on my grave.)

years of longing for something i convinced myself i must deny forever... It was all making me a bit psychotic! i was so unhappy that, if i had not finally come out and changed my life, i probably would have killed myself. i know i came frigheningly close a couple of times. (please see "The Suicide Pages" for insights by myself and other young men and teens who have become my new friends, my new family, my new life...)

all of that has changed. i am myself. i no longer pose. i no longer hide. and most of all... i am no longer ashamed of what i am. because i know i have no reason to be ashamed. i am a human being. no more, no less. as are we all. nothing in my life has been as fulfilling and rewarding as finally living out and proud as a gay man. i'm not a freak and i'm not evil!!! (so FUCK YOU Rev. Terry, wherever you are...) now when i wake up in the morning, the day is welcome. not the black torturous hell it used to be. yes, there was some pain. i lost some friends, some family. but those who stood by me... those who love me no matter what... those are the people i know will be there for me forever. a gift more precious than any other. i prey that you all find the peace in your life that i have found in mine. (... now if i can just find that perfect boyfriend... *w*)

Please CLICK HERE to Return to The Boardwalk!